peering around the corner

i really don't know why i came back here
i left nearly a year ago thinking i'd never return
it's not that i really ever quit writing
it's just that the written word seemed to be
getting a bit too confining:
i was starting to live life as i'd always wanted to live it
and it seemed that i no longer needed to express myself
through words
when i could express myself through action,
through living my life day by day

but here i am, home for the holidays
stinking of cheap gin and christmas cologne
and wondering if decaf might not be just as tasty as the real thing
maybe it's the lingering christmas lights
maybe it's the warm thoughts of the many friends
i've seen over the past few weeks
--maybe it's just the gin--
but i find myself here and typing as if i'd never left
and i kind of feels good

i'm pretty much the same as i was a year ago
a little bit older but really not a whole lot wiser
i haven't met my soulmate yet
nor have i fallen in love for ever and ever, amen
i still live in the same place
work at the same place
yet i have discovered this indian restaurant
that makes the most incredible curried foods
and i am definitely considering falling in love with the cook
but other than that i'm just living my life--
writing the script and playing the part
that only i can play

what else, man? i dunno
i was going to write some drippy poem
then i decided i might just type out a few sentences
and finally i decided to combine the two ideas
same lame old shit
what the fuck do you people want from me anyway?

guess i'm just sayin hi
guess i'm just saying that i'm still alive
more so now than ever before
guess i'm just wondering if you're still out there